Rated Blehtney.

Am I the only person who thinks Britney Spears' video for 'Hold It Against Me' is pretty rubbish? 

Britney - Check.

Bad, straggly hair extensions - Check.

Non-Energetic dance routine on her part - Check.

Looks better than when she was mashing up cars with brollies - Check.

I don't know, she just seems dead behind the eyes, almost like I feel at this stage in my life (soon to be rectified, hopefully). Where is the panting of 'Slave 4 U'? The oomph of 'Stronger'? The sheer sexiness of the 'Toxic' music video? M.I.A apparently. When she's floating about in that white wedding dress thing, it is as if a giant doily has come to life and sprouted human parts. 

What happened? FEDERDEATH.

DO NOT ENJOY. Sorry Britney, but as well as a 'meh' video you've presented us with an average, at best, song which doesn't seem to have a proper chorus structure. 

Meh Meh and Meh.

Rated Animale.

From CR2 Records

Dragonette is a dance DJ tart these days. She chirped us up on the bouncy 'Hello' with Solveig and now she's back (or never left) with the darker, rougher sounding 'Animale' with Don Diablo. The song is far from the electro pop of her own solo recordings and those she has performed with other DJs, sounding like it should be blasted into the crowd at an underground rave. I see big things for the widely unknown Dragonette this year, especially if she keeps up work like this.

Rated - Saturday Song.

I have loved Sia from the beginning, but I REALLY love latest LP We Are Born. It's chirpy, feel good pop with Furler's gorgeous vocals meandering through every song with little effort. She is tremendous. 

Here's my favourite song from the album, 'Never Gonna Leave Me'. 

Rated Best Of Me.

This is isn't my usual cuppa, but you just know this is going to do immensely well. I need to release an rnb song = $$$$$.

Rated Born This Way.

Lady Gaga, you either love her or really love her. She sings, dances, expresses the will of the underdog and wears clothing made from dinner. What is there not to love? With so much riding on her sophomore album, new single ‘Born This Way’ is a fitting introduction. With more lure than Sam Way covered in Nutella, this is a humungous chunk of dance floor filling gay anthemry.

“No matter gay, straight or bi, lesbian, transgender life, I’m on the right track, baby I was born to survive”, roars Gaga. Much in the same fashion as classics like ‘Just Dance’, the song demands that you keep doing whatever the hell you want and not be ashamed of it. This is the woman who played a part  in fighting for gay rights in the Armed Forces, a woman who also wore machine gun boobs and crime scene tape across her vagoo. Effortlessly merging ironic humor and politics, and getting away with pretty much any kind of insane behaviour, Gaga is proving she’s here to stay. It takes a few spins before it really grapples you, but persevere. Let’s just hope the rest of the album is as fan-diddly-tastic as this delicious, self-empowerment thumper.

5/5

Rated Sunday Girl SOON.

Ok, so she tweeted me saying her album would drop in March. IT BLOODY WELL BETTER BECAUSE I CANNOT WAIT MUCH LONGER!

Here's a lovely piece of synthy 80s inspired pop to whet my your appetite until she properly whips it out. Come AWN.

It's a lovely slice of a cake I will shove my face gleefully into. 

Rated Raunchaaay.

We were promised a risqué video and we weren’t disappointed. Although the image of RiRi bouncing around on foam willies dressed as a Nun did not transpire from my mind, we do get her rocking a red afro that would make Foxy Cleopatra soil her leopard prints scanties. The third cut from chart dominatrix Loud, S&M, is a seductive dance floor romp, with Rihanna growling her way through 4 minutes 4 seconds of in your face filth.

This is about as camp as Rihanna gets, but with every round of “Na na na na C’Mons” you are drawn that little bit closer to the skin under the latex. It’s the closest we get to meeting the Rihanna of old, only to have a copy of Music of the Sun smashed across our cheek and our hands bound behind us. You’ve got to love this sexed up, “slutty” (her own words!) display, because let’s face it, these days she can do no wrong.

5/5

Rated "Accrocher avec moi."

 

One of my favourite songs of 2010, twice. It doesn't get much better than the top quality morsels from Robyn's Body Talk series and 'Hang With Me' is just one of many. I loved the acoustic version and then my work started playing the single remix, which is just as wonderful. It's a shame it didn't set the charts alight, because this is far better than some of the drivel we were fed from the likes of desperate Dixon and Aggravating Santos. Bleugh.

ENJOY.