Rated Rihanna: Unapologetic incoming!

Ri - y'big dirty!

It was easily predicted that I'd be stratospherically high on the news of Rihanna's upcoming 7th album Unapologetic. With the first single being so bloody perfect and a refreshing step away from the dancey Calvin Harris days, how could I not be?

 

Anyway, I thought I'd just highlight that there are only 16 days until the album drops.

Yes, 16! 

Rated Loud Tour 2011

BABE

It's been just over a year since Rihanna toured her 4th studio album Rated R . We've been in the midst of a Rihanna tornado since then with a constant stream of singles, a new album and yet another tour. It leaves one wondering, how does she do it? Where does she get the energy from? Where do all these tremendous songs come from? Apparently some ether of pop brilliance.

The Last Girl On Earth tour of 2010/2011 was a great showcase of the darker material from the Rated R era. It featured songs like 'Russian Roulette', 'Rude Boy' and 'Te Amo', performed against a robo-apocalyptic backdrop. There was latex, lots of war imagery and a huge amount of rockstar charm. Now, on the Loud Tour, supporting an album that has now sold in excess of 8 million copies worldwide, Rihanna is cranking the pace up a notch.

Things kick off with a 3/4 minute film, which has the Bajan babe in a bobbed red wig and black outfits, screaming as loud as possible. It crescendos, the screen splits in the two, and out she pops in a neon lit, transparent orb. Belting out the tremendous 'Only Girl (In the World)' , she makes the crowd insane, all the while strutting up and down the stage in a tiny blue glossy coat, leaving very little to the imagination; that's why we love her! Her vocals are on top form, better than they have ever been in fact. She engages with the crowd, bellowing 'Glasgoooow', more frequently than she did on her last tour, making the whole affair that little bit more exciting. De-robing to reveal a rainbow coloured, beaded bra and pant combo, she slips into 'Disturbia' and 'Shut Up and Drive', before sitting non-chalantly against a wrecked car to show off her West Indian tones on the Bob Marley inspired 'Man Down'.

The tempo at this tour is much higher with less balladry and more big beats. There is the essential ballad segment, but it takes up very little time for the pace to quicken again. A revved up rock cover of Prince's 'Darling Nikki' slips into a raunchy performance of 'S&M', identical to that she performed with Britney Spears at the VMAs. 

The pink tank of the previous tour returns, but it's smaller and fires projectiles into the audience. Getting G with 'Raining Men' and 'Hard', Rihanna rides her ad-hoc army vehicle to the front of the stage, surrounded by gun-toting topless dancers.

Rated RiRi - FAIL.

Due to painfully unfortunate financial failings on my part, I can no longer afford to go down to London to suck up the immense aura of my favourite bitch, Rihanna. I am now left, cold and lonely on October 5th...completely Rihanna-less. In her place I will blast her back catalogue and down a bottle of Cava, maybe two? 


Should anyone be interested in two standing tickets for the O2 Arena on the 5th October 2011, please let me know via twitter and I will sort something out for you. We can discuss price at the time, I don't like quoting figures online, it's so messy.

Just a picture to rub salt into my Rihanna shaped wound.

I love you, woman.