Rated Run The World?

I've been waiting for Beyonce's new solo material, eagerly, since the release of her I Am... tour DVD last Christmas. I saw said tour twice within 12 months and it was absolutely incredible. There's no doubt that Beyonce is the greatest live performer of our generation, regardless of whether you like her music or not, she is a bloody brilliant entertainer.
With an array of superb singles under her booty (Crazy In Love, Deja Vu, Single Ladies and Sweet Dreams to name a few) I expected something huge from the queen; something so big it would make the Royal Wedding cower in its significance.

Unfortunately, Run The World (Girls) is about as satisfying as having nail varnish remover poured into your eyes. Maybe a bit over-dramatic, but this is a horrendous mess. It's written a bit like an Independent Women Part 3, only when she wrote it she was out of her mind on Es (not literally-lawsuit averted). The song samples Major Lazer's Pon Di Floor, which sounds incredible in a club and no doubt Beyonce's sampler will sound just as exciting and base pounding as the original when it's accompanied by vodka shots. The main issue is that it just doesn't gel, at all. The song is tired and the subject matter is getting boring now. We know you love an independent woman B, but write about something else for Christ's sake! Beyonce's vocals aren't sounding their best here, with the production calling for lots of shouting rather than intricate harmonies and when the song occasionally breaks down to reveal the soul sound we're used to, it sounds nice but feels like a pointless filler to break up an annoyingly repetitive track. Run the world? Run me over more like.

I pray that this is just a mishap, all great artists have them, even Beyonce (apparently). The new album has to offer better than this, otherwise it's going to be a catastrophic musical disaster in the shadow of the brilliant, talent showcase that was I Am... Sasha Fierce.


1.5/5

Rated Flashback - Sweet Dreams

Beyonce has really disappointed me with her latest song, so much so I won't even utter its name on here. I'm sure in a few weeks it will have grown on me and I will have to apologise to the lady herself, but for now I hate it. It is certainly nothing like the immense tune 'Sweet Dreams' that graced the latter stage of her I Am... Sasha Fierce collection. With its roaring synth and catchy as hell verses, chorus, bridge, everything, it rightly earns its place in the top ten songs of 2009 and the top five Beyonce songs of all time. So come on Beatch, impress me with the next song, I beg you.

Rated Telephone: "I told you she didn't have a dick."

Gaga & B.

After the rather uninspiring, lack lustre Beyonce video for Video Phone, I was highly expectant of Lady Gaga's next effort for Telephone. The above link will take you on a nine minute onslaught of vibrancy, sex and Lady Gaga sticking both middle fingers up to the media by referencing her supposed possession of a penis. The song, Telephone (featuring Beyonce) has been around for quite some time now, and it is epic scale electro-pop. The beat is ridiculously infectious and, well, Beyonce's singing on it! What more could you ask for? A fantastic mind-blowing journey with the two superstars in, probably, the most immense music video in years.

It's a continuation of the Paparazzi  video, in which we saw Gaga jailed for murdering her boyfriend. Only now, she's naked and in jail with lots of sexy (and not so sexy) women. A pair of sunglasses covered in burning cigarettes and The Pussy Wagon from Kill Bill later, you're finished what is an exhaustingly exciting promotional clip film. From poisoning the customers of a diner and Beyonce's 'boyfriend' to Gaga's pixelated naked crotch, the video pushes acceptability and taboo further than any other major pop star has since the Madonna glory days and, even in that context, Gaga blows the competition out of the kitsch sea.

The video is sassy and relevant, and is a marvellous moment in music video history. It might not go anywhere exactly, but it pushes the two, already massive artists, into a whole new spotlight. Lady Gaga is known for controversy and being a bit weird, but Beyonce has been relatively subdued in her career. Here we see that Queen B. can indeed "mother f@$*#R" with the best of them. Sexy, funny and massively entertaining, the video is going to see Telephone stop dwindling in the lower reaches of the charts and storm right through Justin Bieber and Ke$ha like a pop-art torpedo. I can't wait for the big bang.

Rated i.

Rated Diva.

I heard on the grape-vine that my beloved B. is taking a 6 month hiatus from the front-line of musical mastery. I am obviously GUTTED. A whole 6 months with NO new Beyonce music/performances/cameos? Shit.

I've seen her live, twice, yes twice, and she is a diva of epic quality. Come back soon B!

"I hear you be the block but I'm the lights that keep the streets on..."