Britney Spears & Iggy Azalea - Pretty Girls

The Britney Spears of yore is gone, we need to accept that. We'll never have a charismatic, intricate dance sequence ever again, just a repetitive array of hair flips and arm movements. It's a sad time. However, as a recording artist, she's still popping out some decent radio friendly tracks and her latest outing, a duet with untalented Australian deliverer of lyrics Iggy Azalea, is about as radio friendly as pop gets.

It's a bit of a poor man's Fancy, the brilliant Charli XCX collaboration that put Iggy on the map last year, however it's the most engaged Britney has sounded in a long time, particularly when she harks back to her vocal glory days (well...) with some harmonising over Iggy's actually quite enjoyable middle-eight. It all feels a little too contrived though and as I suggested, a rehash of what's come before as the duo 'sing' "All around the world pretty girls/ Jump the line to the front/ Do what we like get what we want/ We're just so pretty..."I'm sure it's all tongue in cheek, like the ridiculous music video, but in this world you never know.

2.5 / 5

Pop Pilgrim's Hopes For 2015

We all have hopes and dreams of what 2015 will bring and I, like most people, hope that by this time next year I'll have hysterically shit myself when my Euromillions numbers come up trumps. However, this isn't a blog about being rich, how much you want your life to improve, blah blah wah wah. It's about music and most of the time it's about pop music, music you'd have been bullied for liking in high school. So here are ten things I plucked (rapidly) from my head that I'd love to see and post about in 2015:

10. BRITNEY SPEARS CONTINUES VEGAS RESIDENCY FOR ANOTHER TEN YEARS

Britney's last album Britney Jean was a cockup. Let's face it, it was a fucking disaster and she needs to learn from this mistake. It's unlikely she will because she is still completely 'hands off' when it comes to her music (not that she's ever been hands on). The only way to avoid another catastrophe is for her to continue miming in Vegas for another ten years and leave her ageing fans to enjoy the diamonds of her back catalogue without this 'modern music' nonsense.  

09. A NEW JANELLE MONÁE ALBUM IS OVERDUE

There's never an unsuitable time for a new Janelle Monáe record and right now I feel very much that I would enjoy such a thing in my life. Her music gets better and better over time which surely means her next installment in the Suite series will be perfect? If you've not immersed yourself in the world of Monáe you need to do so post haste. 

08. RITA ORA GETS ON WITH IT AND STOPS COLLABORATING 

That money from Katy Perry penned collaboration 'Black Widow' with Iggy Azalea won't last forever so Rita needs to get a move on with her next studio album. Her debut album ORA wasn't perfect (no it wasn't super Ora fans!) and really only had a few brilliant tracks on it, which ended up being the singles. So, my point is confirmed. The lead single from her sophomore album, 'I Will Never Let You Down', narrowly missed out on my Top 30 songs of 2014 and is actually very promising stuff.

07. SAM SMITH GETS OVER HIS ONE NIGHT STAND

Don't get me wrong, I really enjoyed Sam Smith's In The Lonely Hour and I'm sure everyone can relate to the material in some way. However, as beautiful as mega single 'Stay With Me' was/is, it's time to move on, dump the jonny and look to the future. I anticipate a new album by the end of 2015 because I'm certain Sam is probably at the eye rolling stage when he's asked to perform said single. 

Britney Spears: Piece of Me "live" in Las Vegas

Britney Spears used to sing live, sometimes. She gargled her way through an excruciating live rendition of her hit 'Everytime' on her Onyx Hotel Tour, something I witnessed before my very eyes and ears. At least she could be patted on the back for effort, perhaps even ballsiness for even attempting such a bold move when her singing voice isn't particularly...strong. So when it was announced she was going to take up residency in Las Vegas across the latter stage of 2013 and throughout 2014, I couldn't be blamed for presuming it would be a mime fest. 

Her team tried to quash this idea that resonated in global pop consciousness with statements along the lines of 'she's ready to sing' and 'her voice is better than ever' (words to that effect). So, a flash of doubt darted across my mind and I thought "OK, maybe she will do her job and actually sing live. Maybe she will stop being lazy or at least hold her hands up and admit that she's a shit singer'. I was wrong to doubt myself, oh fucking wrong I was! I owe myself a big fat apology. 

There she goes again, with the fucking arms!

Her residency kicked off on Boxing Day 2013. Predictably, the set is quite great. It's brimming with life, movement and flashing lights, glitz and glamour. It's all very exciting, expensive and well put together. Just for the record, I wasn't there, but I have seen enough YouTube evidence and photographic evidence to back myself up. The epic club worthy synths of Work Bitch kick in and the show begins. The dancers work very hard throughout, cutting fine shapes, defying gravity and synchronising perfectly. Who is this blonde who has seemingly intruded on what is a fun dance show with an entertaining backing track? Oh wait, (lol) it's Britney Spears! In fairness, her energy is on point for the first 30 seconds of the performance and then, typically for this performer in this era of her career, her energy drops and the lazy arm focused dance moves commence. Her legs work out of time with the dancers and it's so obviously a lip sync session it's laughable (at least record a live backing track darling). 

 

From what I can gather, this is a trend throughout. She cracks out 4 of her most immense tracks, Baby One More Time/Oops! I Did It Again, Stronger and Crazy. This is the Britney people want to see and by 'people' I mean me. Again, another obviously lip synced segue commences with a medley of her two most well known hits. Gone are the dance routines of yesteryear and in are the arm movements, being carried by dancers and getting entangled in red cloth a la Rachel Stevens Sweet Dreams (My LA Ex). It's so lack lustre that if you put the track on in an old people's care home you'd get more energy out of it. The dancers again, work very hard and without their efforts this show would be a laughing stock. Thankfully, for Britney at least, the surrounding spectacle distracts everyone from her obvious attitude of 'I'm rich and bored and I really don't want to perform anymore'. There isn't even a hand-heart-pump dance move shoved in for nostalgia's sake on Oops. There are performances of non-singles from her brilliant Blackout album, but these could have been replaced with other hits like Overprotected and instead of the song equivalent of the turd Lucky, she could have shoved in Born To Make You Happy or at least a superior track from one of her later albums. 

 

She closes off the show with pop rave tune Til' The World Ends. It's a superb club song marred by a lifeless attempt at interacting with her dancers and a piss poor attempt at pretending to have fun. Yes, hands are in again, as are fist pumps and lots of jumping on the spot. Really, for an act who pretty much redefined pop music of the late 90s (that's questionable in itself - I think we have Max Martin to thank for that) and early 00s with songs and videos like Slave 4 U and Toxic, this is a really deflating Vegas residency which had it been done years ago could actually have been pretty incredible.

Britney Spears - Perfume music video

The video for Britney Spears' new single Perfume, penned by Sia (genius behind Titanium and Diamonds) popped out of the pop womb for the first time at the start of the week. It's a less silly song than Work Bitch, but it's quite nice to hear her sing something that actually has some sort of meaning behind it. Let's face it, Britney is no vocalist and this song shows just how limited her range is. It's a decent midtempo ballad and is one of the better songs from her disappointing album Britney Jean, but it's certainly not that memorable.

3/5

Rated: Britney Spears - Britney Jean

Britney Spears is one of the greatest pop stars of all time, there's no denying that. Her influence, even if she was controlled and directed by record company execs, on late 90s and early 2000s pop is unquestionable. She's released iconic songs like 'Baby One More Time', 'Oops! I Did It Again', 'Slave 4 U' & 'Toxic', and she's sold over 100 million albums in 15 years. So when she comes back with new material all pop fans sit in perspiring anticipation for another "epic" moment from the once princess of pop. 

New album Britney Jean has been promoted, although minimally, as her most personal record to date. A concept record about the loneliness of the pop industry, apparently. She's roped in some of the biggest producers in the world too, like Madonna's pal William Orbit, 'Million Voices' anthem maker Otto Knows, Diplo and of course her new bff Will.i.am. 

The album is largely a dance album. Lead single Work Bitch, produced by Otto and Will.i.am is a club ready anthem with euphoric electronic dance production and ridiculous lyricism. Britney whips out her 'best' English accent, something I'm beginning to think Will.i.am is responsible for and demands you call her 'the bubbler' because she'll make you 'bubble up'. It's one of the stupidest songs of 2013 and of her career (bar 'Lucky') but it's so infectious and so likeable it's infuriating. The silliness continues with uber robotic It Should Be Easy, featuring Will.i.am. The overuse of vocoder distracts from what could actually have been a solid dance track - thankfully the vocal-less dance segments are enjoyable. The dance productions continue with Body Ache, a less silly song than Work Bitch but with a less enjoyable dance segue. We do get a little blast of what Britney calls Hip Hop, but we'll call it Brit Hop, with Tik Tik Boom featuring T.I. It suffers from over production on the vocal front, but the beats on the chorus are brilliant.

Orbit production Alien is the most blatant attempt at exploring the concept of a lonely pop life. It's actually quite a strong song after repeated listens, with some lovely Orbit trademark sounds. The problem is it could have just been pushed that little bit further. Whether this failure to quite hit the 'perfect' mark is down to Britney's inability to be charismatic or Orbit's production eludes me. Still this is one of the album's best tracks. Til It's Gone similarly looks at being alone, however on a more personal than professional level. It's an album highlight, with less intrusive vocal manipulation and some trademark Britney croaks surrounded by brilliant dance synths. 

Buzz song Passenger is another enjoyable moment on Britney Jean, but it is in dire need of a 15 second cut from the vocal empty intro. It's a mid-tempo love song with a pretty strong hook and pleasant poppy production from Diplo. I did expect something far more intense from a producer of his calibre though... Following on from this is the absolutely awful duet with her little sister Jamie Lynn Chillin' With You, who is actually a better singer than her mega star sibling but has about as much charisma as door knob. Couple that with shit on a stick production and you have the turd of Britney Jean.

A Britney Spears album is not complete without a down tempo track, or two. The Britney Spears ballad can never really be a proper ballad due to, err, vocal limitations. Britney Jean has a couple of these 'ballads' in the form of Perfume & Don't Cry. The latter is mediocre, with yet more overuse of vocoder marring any credibility the song could have had. Sia penned Perfume is a lot stronger, with little to no vocal manipulations or silly effects. It's a strong enough track, with a catchy chorus but it's not one of Sia's best works.

When Britney Spears released Blackout she paved the way for electronic pop to rise up and take over the charts. Unfortunately, Britney Jean isn't going to be setting any trends, nor is it going to have a number 1 single (I doubt). There isn't one 5 star track here, but there are a few that with a bit more attention and perhaps some fresh producers could have been very strong. As has become the trend in Britney Spears' work, this album is overflowing with dance floor beats and over production. There are some songs that are so vocally manipulated they may as well have built a robot and stuck it in the studio. The notion that this is a concept album is completely absurd; a concept album has a recurring theme/message, this does not. If you want a concept album listen to VV Brown's Samson & Delilah. Britney Jean is an album that hinders its own success with production greed, Britney's complete lack of charisma & personality, and far too much Will.i.am. 

Download: Alien / Perfume / Work Bitch / Til It's Gone

2/5

Rated: Work Bitch - Britney Spears

It's a bit cheeky for Britney Spears to be telling us to work harder if we want luxury goods. I could put on a slutty outfit and mime to her greatest hits in a blonde wig if I was being paid millions of dollars every year. Just sayin'.

My gripe aside, this is Britney we're talking about. Whether she's artistically talented or not, she was an undeniable force in reshaping pop music in the late 90s / early 00s, so I'll respect her for that. Her newest single certainly is a far cry from the days of 'Slave 4 U' and 'Toxic'. 'Work Bitch' is a Will.i.am produced club anthem in the making. On first listen it's a bit of a head fuck, but once you get into it it's hard not to think 'shit, this is going to be amazing after 6 VK Tropicals'. This is fun electronic dance pop and we know that this is what Britney does best at this point in her career. 

Why is she 'singing' this in an English accent though...?

4 / 5

Rated: 'Scream & Shout' - Remix

Right, for some unfathomable reason to make a shit load more money Will.I.AM has decided to team up with Britney (not that she had to contribute anything more than her shoddy English-accent inspired vocals) again for a remix of their mega hit 'Scream & Shout', only this time PDiddy is on board along with some other rapper people who are probably quite famous but I don't care about.

I've listened to it a few times and I can't hear a 'It's Britney Bitch' line anywhere... cardinal sin of pop. Although PDiddy does slam down a lot of 'Turn it up bitch', whether this be to Britney or not I'm not sure. It's a pointless remix of a pretty pointless song. As much as I would dance to this in a club and I would dance to anything after 3 margaritas, this is even more annoying and a lot less infectious than the original mix.

Shite.

1/5

Rated: Suit & Tie

It's been 6 years since Justin Timberlake had an album out. Yes 6 years without the body popping, butt shaking, hip swaying, 'snake' swinging high pitched pursuits of the eternally attractive one. To be honest, I thought he'd given up since making a bag of cash from his first two albums and all that N*Sync homoerotica. 

Now JT is back with a slice of pop so smooth it could feature on a Gillette ad. He's roped in Jay Z for shits & giggles too, which makes the whole affair even more exciting. 'Shirt & Tie' has a retro funk soul sound, not unlike something you'd encounter on a 'Greatest Funk Ever' compilation. It's a step away from the pop/r'n'b Timbaland stylings of 2006 and a leap forward into a much more mature arena. If this is the worst cut from his upcoming album then it's bound to be the best album ever... right?

5/5

Ok on further listens I've realised I was over excited that JT was back and overrated. It's actually more of a 3/5 than a 5/5. Sorry for any distress caused.

Xfactor USA - BRITNEY!

12/09/2012 marks the date that season 2 of the Xfactor USA is unleashed on the world (c'mon ITV2!) and thankfully the complete insanity that is Paula Abdul is now gone (love her really) and we have Britney fucking Spears instead. I've seen clips of her in action and she's a spit fire - got to love her. So in preparation I thought I'd present you with some epic Britney songs to gird your loins. Kicking things off with 'Stronger' and then just click the jump link to see the other 4. Takes you back to your pre-teen bedroom right?

Stronger (2000)

Rated 'I Wanna Go'

Britney's Femme Fatale tour kicked off last week and, I must say, it looks incredible. I'm not so sure about praising a singer for singing 40% of their 'live' show with a live vocal, but I guess for a Britney tour that's pretty impressive (hmmm). From the clips on youtube I gather that it's a pyrotechnic, dance fuelled, booty shaking extravaganza. The opening with 'Hold it Against Me' is brilliant, as is her performance of 'Don't Let Me Be The Last To Know' from the Oops! era.

Anyway, back on track. The video for third Femme Fatale single, 'I Wanna Go', dropped the other day and it's pretty epic. Random, weird and ridiculous, but oh so much fun. What's great about it is that it's the first glimpse of the old Britney Spears being back in the real world again. Her constant glazing of the eyes is gone and she has some sass back in her, which is a relief because as questionable as her input in her work is, she is the biggest pop star of her generation. The most key aspect of video, pushing aside the Terminator style robotic paparazzi and Britney looking a bit Avril Lavigne, is that Brit looks HAWT.


The song itself is one of the better moments from 7th studio album Femme Fatale. It's anthemic dance pop with a killer hook. The robotic Britney makes a return on the track and it works here because she's at least recognisable. "I’ve been told who I should do it with, to keep both my hands above the bl-an-ket, when the lights out...", sings Britney, challenging those who dictate how naughty she's allowed to be. It doesn't have the huge finish of 'Hold it against me' or 'Till the world ends', but 'I wanna go' has enough punch to make it a classic Britney song.

Rated 'Till The World Ends.

I wasn't impressed with 'Hold it Against Me' when I first heard it, nor when I saw the crappy ass music video. Its unconventional structure threw me a little as did the lack of a really big climax. However, it has grown on me and I will give it time on my ipod, but not as much as I give to Britney's new single, 'Till the World Ends'. The song was begging for an apocalyptic music video and that's just what it got. I love a good apocalypse, so I'm pretty happy with the result. Britney looks hot, like really hot. Almost 'Golden Age Britney' hot, which is a relief because I thought she'd just about lost all her charisma and charm. There's dancing and lots of sweaty half naked dancers, oh and a red lace catsuit with spikes on it. Thankfully there's a distinct lack of narcotics a la 'Gimme More'. Britney's lovin' life.

Rated Femme Fatale.

Another ‘comeback’ record, Britney Spears’ Femme Fatale is the seventh studio album from the iconic pop princess. Her last album Circus was a strong enough collection of pop songs, harking back to classic Britney moments and also ditching a little of the voice manipulation software that her producers love overdosing her on.  With amazing songs like ‘Unusual You’, ‘Womanizer’ and ‘Shattered Glass’, Britney sold millions of copies of the album and, of course, brought her bank balance to orgasm. Now she’s back, again, with Femme Fatale, which shows clear dub-step-pop-electronic influences.

Lead single, ‘Hold it Against Me’ was a grower for me. I panned it at first, which I now regret because it’s actually a pretty cool pop song. It’s a shame the song’s climax isn’t just a little bit more rip-roaring though. Second single ‘Till the World Ends’ is a club dance-floor filler, with an infectious ‘Oh oh oh oohh’ hook and a potentially awesome video to come. ‘Inside Out’ is a filthy number with Britney singing, ‘Give me something to remember, shut your mouth and turn me inside out’ and ‘Hit me one more time it’s so amazing’. It’s no surprise that Max Martin, the genious behind ‘Baby One More Time’ and other key Britney moments like ‘Overprotected’ and ‘If U Seek Amy’, makes an appearance at the knobs of the aforementioned tracks.  My personal ‘liked’ tracks from this album are the club-ready ‘I Wanna Go’ and the intoxicatingly melodious ‘Trip To Your Heart’. Critically acclaimed track ‘How I Roll’ doesn’t quite hit the spot for me, but I can see where others find it charming. It’s quite a different sound for ol’ Spears, but it just doesn’t quite get me tapping my heel. ‘Seal It With A Kiss’ and ‘Drop Dead Beautiful’ are fun pop songs, the latter packed with growling synths. ‘Big Fat Bass’ is noteable because it features Will.i.am, but aside from its cool sounding bridge and chorus, it gets a bit annoying hearing ‘It’s getting bigger, the bass is getting bigger’ over and over again. ‘Trouble For Me’ kicks off sounding like a motor starting, then bursts into a ‘Lace and Leather’ sounding, sexy pop verse. ‘Gasoline’ is equally as catchy as the other strong moments on the album, taking a few listens to really feel its charm. Closing ‘almost’ ballad ‘Criminal’ features weird pan-pipe sounds and an almost authentic Britney vocal.

The key moments here are the released singles, ‘Trip To Your Heart’ and ‘I Wanna Go’. It’s more consistent than Circus and almost as perfect as Blackout, regardless of aforementioned annoying repetition. Femme Fatale shows that Britney’s team knows exactly what direction will make her/them money. With over an hour of potential club anthems on one disc this is a sure fire dollar devouring machine.

Rated Blehtney.

Am I the only person who thinks Britney Spears' video for 'Hold It Against Me' is pretty rubbish? 

Britney - Check.

Bad, straggly hair extensions - Check.

Non-Energetic dance routine on her part - Check.

Looks better than when she was mashing up cars with brollies - Check.

I don't know, she just seems dead behind the eyes, almost like I feel at this stage in my life (soon to be rectified, hopefully). Where is the panting of 'Slave 4 U'? The oomph of 'Stronger'? The sheer sexiness of the 'Toxic' music video? M.I.A apparently. When she's floating about in that white wedding dress thing, it is as if a giant doily has come to life and sprouted human parts. 

What happened? FEDERDEATH.

DO NOT ENJOY. Sorry Britney, but as well as a 'meh' video you've presented us with an average, at best, song which doesn't seem to have a proper chorus structure. 

Meh Meh and Meh.

Rated Rewind: Britney Spears - Circus

After the most talked about hiatus from music ever, Britney Spears is back doing what she does best, catchy dance-pop with a robotic lining and little soul. A lack of heart is not as apparent here as it was on 2007’s Blackout, where the record was affronted by a “the lights are on but no one’s home” Britney. This aside, Blackout was a triumphant pop album, spawning the immense dance-floor stompers, ‘Gimme More’ and ‘Break the Ice’. Now, a year on and far sooner than expected, Circus is complete and there’s no anti-climax in sight.

Opening track ‘Womanizer’ is a dance floor orgasm, with its infectious chorus and thudding staccato beats. The Outsyders production is one of the most memorable songs of Britney’s career. The title track ‘Circus’ jumps up and slaps you in the face, and features not only the best pre-chorus build up on the album, but its own dance break too. The bouncing Max Martin production of ‘If U Seek Amy’ is another annoyingly catchy notch on Britney’s musical bed post, with Britney teasing, “Love me, hate me, say what you want about me, but all of the girls and all of the boys are begging to If U Seek Amy” (say the title really fast and you’ll get it). Of course, being Britney, there’s a ballad in the mix, the quite nice ‘Out From Under’. It’s the most relevant song here but it’s disappointingly lacking in the vocal arena, with not one proper key change. The Danja produced ‘Kill the Lights’ and ‘Toxic’ responsible Bloodshy & Avant’s ‘Unusual You’, are album highlights. “Is that money in your pocket, are you happy to see me?” she demands aggressively on ‘Kill the Lights’, yet again taunting the paparazzi, only this time she is engaged and not synthesized into non-existence. The ballad ‘Unusual You’ features significant electronic vocal effects, but these enhance the beauty of the track. The hauntingly ethereal nature of the song makes it one of the best pop-dance ballads I’ve heard.

Although the album is one of Britney’s best (behind Blackout) it does have a few problems, the main one being twee ballad ‘My baby’. The Let's Go to War production ‘Mmm Papi’ makes little sense and although it's infectious, Britney's comedy vocals are more embarrassing than funny. The hangover song ‘Blur’ is reminiscent of 2003s Moby produced ‘Early Morning’, but it’s uninspired and a bit bland. However, these are minor flaws on an entertaining pop record.

Circus is a great comeback, displaying some of the best pop moments you’ll experience on an album this year and some of the best Britney moments of all time. Who cares if Britney’s not the same Britney any more, she’s still churning out some superb dance tunes and with songs like ‘Womanizer’, ‘Unusual You’ and ‘Kill the Lights’ at her disposal, she’s certainly not likely to falter any time soon.

6.5/10