Cheryl - Only Human (Album Review)

Cheryl Fernandez-Versini's done alright for herself. A mysterious and very handsome husband, five number one singles, four top ten albums and £20,000,000 in the bank; not bad. Her back catalogue includes number one 'Call My Name', a Calvin Harris penned track that she'll probably never better and the quirky yet charming 'Promise This'. If we're being fair though, her solo career has taken a bit of dip sales wise since its launch in 2009 when she exploded into the charts with her behemoth debut single 'Fight For This Love' and the mediocre 1,000,000+ selling album 3 Words. So now she's got her lovely new husband and two number one singles this year, it makes perfect sense to comeback to the Xfactor and simultaneously release a fourth studio album. Not a strategic manoeuvre at all then.

Only Human is about self acceptance, self preservation and really just letting your hair down and living life to the full. A lovely sentiment but how is it conveyed in the music? The album opens with an 'Intro' track, which seems like it wouldn't be out of place on a Beyoncé style concept album. It's followed by 'Live Life Now', which sounds like it was inspired by Robyn's Body Talk collection. Spoken word verses stream across the rumbling electronic production and as nice as it is to hear Cheryl trying something different, you really just sit waiting for the proper pop to kick in. The Nicola Roberts co-pen and Invisible Men produced 'It's About Time' thankfully gives us what we want and the summer beats and tinny synths take the chorus up a level as Cheryl sings about falling in love again. Number one single 'I Don't Care' continues this summer vibe and as much as I disliked the song on its release, it's proven itself to be quite the grower. These are the album's poppiest cuts and it's reassuring that she's stuck to the genre that she does best. 'Crazy Stupid Love' (feat Tinie Tempah) was the album's lead single and a huge hit, but aside from the glorious melody in the pre-chorus, the track is unsatisfying and Tinie's presence, baffling. 

Beyoncé's 7/11 & Ring Off

2 New Shit Tracks

There was brief excitement that Beyoncé might release a new album before Christmas, a year on from her incredible eponymous collection which debuted overnight without anyone knowing. It was/is her best album to date and to be honest, surpassing the quality of the record is going to be pretty tough. The excitement was quelled when it was announced that no, we would not receive a new album, rather a repackage of said amazing album from 2013. Now, I fucking hate a repackage. I think it's lazy. I think it's a cheap and easy way for an artist to charge full price for an album they've already released 12 months previously. I think it's unimaginitive and quite frankly a waste of time. So Beyoncé I do not support this lazy ass pre Christmas money maker.

The repackage comes with two new songs, '7/11' and 'Ring Off'. Here's what I think and thus what you should think...

7/11

This is quite rightfully not included on the original track listing of Beyoncé because it's quite very shit. The production is courtesy of Detail, the same guy who co-produced the incredible 'Drunk In Love'. '7/11' is actually such a state I don't know how to review it. The easiest way to do it is to compare it with its most similar paced track '***Flawless' which was awesome and this isn't.  She closes the track with the repetition of the lyric "I'm fresher than you", which is funny really considering how rotten the song is. Hopefully 'Ring Off' is better. 1 / 5

Ring Off

This doesn't fit in with the dark, sultry flow of Beyoncé but is instantly not as shit as '7/11'. It's about a divorce, taking "that ring off" because you're tired of lies, cheating and other such things that may send you into the loins of your gardener. It's backed by summery beats and Bey's vocals are pretty solid. It's not bad, but it's not Beyoncé  and that just really won't do. WILL IT? 2 / 5

So overall, Beyoncé, you really ballsed up. Which is nice, because not everyone is perfect... but you should be.

Taylor Swift - 1989 (Album Review)

It's hard to deny the appeal of Taylor Swift. Gangly limbed, blonde, multimillion selling country turned pop superstar who just fell short of Britney Spears' Oops! I Did it Again first week sales record by 8,000 ish copies. She's one of the hottest names in music, but the shift to pop has only recently become apparent with her last album RED and its lead single We Are Never Getting Back Together, an infectious if not completely ridiculous song that charmed with its playground chant chorus and American Teen Girl mockery. Now she's onto her fifth studio album which she has claimed to be her "first documented official pop album". 

The year of her birth seems to influence a loose 80s flavour on 1989, with opening track Welcome to New York boasting a half spoken melodic chant as its chorus is layered above a collection of retro synths. The Ryan Tedder co-write is one of the album's most memorable moments, frivolous City loving fun. The 80s vibe vanishes too often on this record for it ever to be labeled a 'retro' album. Blank Space is a mid tempo track, vocals sat atop synth drum beats and electronic harmonies. The lyrics are clever, unlike some other tracks on the album, "Darling I'm a nightmare dressed like a daydream" and the production is stylishly tinny.