Cheryl - Only Human (Album Review)

Cheryl Fernandez-Versini's done alright for herself. A mysterious and very handsome husband, five number one singles, four top ten albums and £20,000,000 in the bank; not bad. Her back catalogue includes number one 'Call My Name', a Calvin Harris penned track that she'll probably never better and the quirky yet charming 'Promise This'. If we're being fair though, her solo career has taken a bit of dip sales wise since its launch in 2009 when she exploded into the charts with her behemoth debut single 'Fight For This Love' and the mediocre 1,000,000+ selling album 3 Words. So now she's got her lovely new husband and two number one singles this year, it makes perfect sense to comeback to the Xfactor and simultaneously release a fourth studio album. Not a strategic manoeuvre at all then.

Only Human is about self acceptance, self preservation and really just letting your hair down and living life to the full. A lovely sentiment but how is it conveyed in the music? The album opens with an 'Intro' track, which seems like it wouldn't be out of place on a Beyoncé style concept album. It's followed by 'Live Life Now', which sounds like it was inspired by Robyn's Body Talk collection. Spoken word verses stream across the rumbling electronic production and as nice as it is to hear Cheryl trying something different, you really just sit waiting for the proper pop to kick in. The Nicola Roberts co-pen and Invisible Men produced 'It's About Time' thankfully gives us what we want and the summer beats and tinny synths take the chorus up a level as Cheryl sings about falling in love again. Number one single 'I Don't Care' continues this summer vibe and as much as I disliked the song on its release, it's proven itself to be quite the grower. These are the album's poppiest cuts and it's reassuring that she's stuck to the genre that she does best. 'Crazy Stupid Love' (feat Tinie Tempah) was the album's lead single and a huge hit, but aside from the glorious melody in the pre-chorus, the track is unsatisfying and Tinie's presence, baffling. 

Beyoncé's 7/11 & Ring Off

2 New Shit Tracks

There was brief excitement that Beyoncé might release a new album before Christmas, a year on from her incredible eponymous collection which debuted overnight without anyone knowing. It was/is her best album to date and to be honest, surpassing the quality of the record is going to be pretty tough. The excitement was quelled when it was announced that no, we would not receive a new album, rather a repackage of said amazing album from 2013. Now, I fucking hate a repackage. I think it's lazy. I think it's a cheap and easy way for an artist to charge full price for an album they've already released 12 months previously. I think it's unimaginitive and quite frankly a waste of time. So Beyoncé I do not support this lazy ass pre Christmas money maker.

The repackage comes with two new songs, '7/11' and 'Ring Off'. Here's what I think and thus what you should think...

7/11

This is quite rightfully not included on the original track listing of Beyoncé because it's quite very shit. The production is courtesy of Detail, the same guy who co-produced the incredible 'Drunk In Love'. '7/11' is actually such a state I don't know how to review it. The easiest way to do it is to compare it with its most similar paced track '***Flawless' which was awesome and this isn't.  She closes the track with the repetition of the lyric "I'm fresher than you", which is funny really considering how rotten the song is. Hopefully 'Ring Off' is better. 1 / 5

Ring Off

This doesn't fit in with the dark, sultry flow of Beyoncé but is instantly not as shit as '7/11'. It's about a divorce, taking "that ring off" because you're tired of lies, cheating and other such things that may send you into the loins of your gardener. It's backed by summery beats and Bey's vocals are pretty solid. It's not bad, but it's not Beyoncé  and that just really won't do. WILL IT? 2 / 5

So overall, Beyoncé, you really ballsed up. Which is nice, because not everyone is perfect... but you should be.

Taylor Swift - 1989 (Album Review)

It's hard to deny the appeal of Taylor Swift. Gangly limbed, blonde, multimillion selling country turned pop superstar who just fell short of Britney Spears' Oops! I Did it Again first week sales record by 8,000 ish copies. She's one of the hottest names in music, but the shift to pop has only recently become apparent with her last album RED and its lead single We Are Never Getting Back Together, an infectious if not completely ridiculous song that charmed with its playground chant chorus and American Teen Girl mockery. Now she's onto her fifth studio album which she has claimed to be her "first documented official pop album". 

The year of her birth seems to influence a loose 80s flavour on 1989, with opening track Welcome to New York boasting a half spoken melodic chant as its chorus is layered above a collection of retro synths. The Ryan Tedder co-write is one of the album's most memorable moments, frivolous City loving fun. The 80s vibe vanishes too often on this record for it ever to be labeled a 'retro' album. Blank Space is a mid tempo track, vocals sat atop synth drum beats and electronic harmonies. The lyrics are clever, unlike some other tracks on the album, "Darling I'm a nightmare dressed like a daydream" and the production is stylishly tinny. 

Ella Henderson - Chapter One (Album Review)

The Xfactor was once a force to be reckoned with. It governed the charts in the run up to Christmas, with retro covers performed by hopefuls week on week appearing in the top 10 decades after their original release. In some ways the Xfactor did a great service to commercial pop music by increasing music sales in the Autumn/Winter period. Things haven't been so immense down Xfactor street in recent years though, with winner's sales figures nowhere near what they once were and no winner having quite the success of Leona Lewis and Alexandra Burke. The format is weakening and its transparency is becoming all the more apparent with constant gimmicks and ridiculous contestants. Thankfully, it doesn't take a winner to release an incredible album. Alumni Rebecca Ferguson's Heaven is the perfect example, runner up to uber douche Matt Cardle (somehow now on his fourth album) it sold over 500,000 copies in the UK and quite rightly so. The shock exit of similarly likeable contestant Ella Henderson in week 6 was flabbergasting, a travesty at the time. It's clear that it was probably for the best because here she is a few years on with her debut album Chapter One and it's a damn doozy. 

Cheryl - I Don't Care

"LOL I DC!"

I'm not really a fan of Cheryl Tweedy Cole Toilet Attendant Batterer Fernandes-Versini when she tries to sing songs with 'meaning'. Pffft, what is this 'meaning' she's trying to put into her 'music'. Silly silly Cheryl with this silly new song. We all like her a lot more when she's singing on Calvin Harris' Call My Name because it's so ridiculously good, and dancing around and not having a semi-credible rapper feature on her song. That's when I like her anyway. 

So she's releasing this new song called I Don't Care and she says "FUCKING" in it because it feels "so fucking good" to not care. She doesn't care guys! Anyway, the song is at first, kind of promising because it sounds so poppy with its camp beats and silliness. It turns out not to be so great because it's just really hard to take her seriously, attempting to sing a song with that aforementioned 'meaning'. In a nutshell it's a bit like a Katy Perry bonus track reject. Yep, a song that Katy Perry wrote and was like "Nah man, this is too pish to even be a bonus track on my deluxe album reissue complete sweet shop, but I reckon that hot woman Cheryl Call My Name I met as a judge on Xfactor would like it on her next album." 

1 . 5 / 5

NEW MUSIC: Gwen Stefani - Baby Don't Lie

It has been six years since we heard anything from the pipes of Gwen Stefani, solo artist. Sure we heard her last year when she reunited with No Doubt for a comeback which it ended up being more of a blowback. Alas, she's trying to make sweet with her nostalgic fanbase with a new single that feels like it's come out of nowhere but is actually already out in America. Jammy buggers.

Just as a reminder, Gwen Stefani released amazing solo material between 2006 - 2008 and almost all of it was super good; recall singles The Sweet Escape, What You Waiting For(?),  and of course Hollaback Girl. Here she is, grovelling to us with her new single from an album I didn't even know was being recorded, Baby Don't Lie. It kicks off with snaps and clicks that threaten to burst into Hollaback Girl Deux, but don't. Instead we're treated to a reggae flavour array of tropical synths and tinny drum beats and a catchy vanilla chorus. It's not the most original, sass filled, forward thinking piece of pop you'll hear in 2014, but it is enough to give you summer vibes in the depressing British winter. 

3  /  5

One to Watch: Tinashe

Have you heard of Tinashe? If not, you're about to. She's 21, American and showing herself to be an R&B deity. Check out All Hands On Deck below from her debut album Aquarius, out now. It's a bit like the awesome R&B that came out of America in the late 90s early 00s before the genre became, well, shit. The album is brilliant by the way. She co-wrote the whole thing and did some knob twiddling (easy tiger). If you take the time to listen to the album you'll be presented with songs that Ashanti would have been proud to call her own when she was... younger. There are even echoes of Aaliyah in there with clattering metallic synths and smooth beats. 

Full album review coming soon...

Jessie Ware - Tough Love (Album Review)

Still waiting on that ASDA delivery.

The soft flutters and twinkling synths of Devotion, the title track from Jessie Ware's debut album were the perfect introduction to an album that was one of 2012’s finest collections, an album packed with charm, passion and Ware’s soulful, classy tones. Her sophomore album Tough Love opens in a similar fashion with the haunting arrangement of its own title track. The question is, has she managed to match or exceed the expectations of her fans? Does Tough Love continue perfection? In a commercial landscape littered with so much crap, Jessie Ware is a Goddess, perhaps even a saviour of contemporary pop music. Her debut album came along at a time when pop music had become more predictable than ever and the charts had become less about quality and more about brands churning out continuous money making singles with lazy lyrics and overused producers. 

She may not be a producer herself but her ear for a melody and a heady synth arrangement is mesmerising. Tough Love has made clear sonic and vocal progress from her days on Devotion. Ware stated in an interview that she tried different ‘things’ with her voice on this album and it’s apparent from the incredible title track and its unexpected falsetto and the likes of Say You Love Me; Co-written by Ed Sheeran, this is Ware at her most exposed, most emotive and there are moments where her voice is startling. Then you have the echoing riff of Miguel collaboration You & I (Forever); its simple chorus is complemented by understated vocal delivery and gorgeous background harmonies and listen out for the sumptuous vocal riffs in the middle eight which are my album highlight. Then there's the awesome Cruel, an Okumu (co-writer of Devotion) and Ford (Arctic Monkeys, Little Boots, Haim) production with a killer chorus, synth beats and string arrangement.

Jessie J - Sweet Talker (Album Review)

Even the album art is annoying.

It would be nice if an artist like Jessie J would be the kind of artist who reshapes the pop landscape. It would be nice if an artist like Jessie J used the talents she has for singing, performing and just being a Popstar and released consistently good records. It’s no secret that she’s not really done any of that so far. With one of the most distinctive voices in pop music she should be ruling the charts, figuratively killing all of her competitors. If in combat, she used her last album Alive as a shield, she’d be dead. It wasn’t a terrible album, but commercially it was a disaster in comparison to the immense success of her debut Who You Are. Now she’s back with third opus (or attempt at artistry) Sweet Talker and we are all hoping it’s a return to the sass that fuelled Do It Like a Dude and the pop mastery of Domino. 

It isn’t. Jessie can rest easy at night that she hasn’t released the worst album of all time, however it’s not much ‘harder’ than her last effort which she herself deemed “too soft” and it’s not much better either. Where Alive did succeed was with predictable yet memorable (on occasion) hooks on the likes of Wild and Daydreamin’. Here, we’ve got Jessie J frantically trying to piece together the fragments of her broken reputation as if she’s trying to inject the generic into the album’s circulatory system to get sales figures up. For once it would be nice to hear her experiment and leave musical reliability to P!nk.

George Ezra - Wanted On Voyage (Album Review)

When relatively unknown English singer George Ezra released his second single, Budapest, no one expected it to reach number three on the official chart, nor did anyone see it selling millions across the world. It’s not undeserved. The song is a wonderful, proper, introduction to the bluesy tones of Ezra and his apparent gift for songwriting. It’s gorgeous from start to finish, from the opening folksy riffs to the heartwarming climax, it wouldn’t go amiss on a Hipster Indie movie soundtrack. Budapest is just one beautiful song from Ezra’s 12 track debut album, Wanted On Voyage.

What’s clear on this album is that Ezra has a distinct, at times incredible, voice. It’s folksy yet bluesy, soulful yet rocky, strong, assertive and often vulnerable. His latest single and album opener Blame It On Me is just as wonderful as his biggest hit and has one of the most memorable hooks in recent memory as he pleads repeatedly “What you waiting for?”. Ezra cites the likes of Bob Dylan as an influence and that influence is obvious on Cassy O’, an uptempo folk track with a superb chorus and an arrangement begging for a live setting. 

Ariana Grande - Break Free (Featuring Zedd)

The first single from Ariana Grande's sophomore album My Everything was Problem and it was amazing. It'd be impossible to trump that right? Wrong, so very wrong. 

Her new single, Break Free is a Max Martin & Zedd lyrical/production collaboration. Yes, it's been worked on by the guy who brought Baby One More Time... into our lives and the guy who did the production on Lady Gaga's G.U.Y. There's no way it could be shit and it's not even close. This is an electro=pop song like no other in 2014 and has the potential to become Ariana's signature song. Vocals are strong and the production explodes into earshot with the hyper robotic synths of the opening to the thumping bass of the verses bounces you through the song to the brilliant chorus. It's got a lathering of Robyn all over it, echoing the poppier moments from her Body Talk series (Time Machine). It's the strongest, boldest track Ariana has recorded to date and without it My Everything would have collapsed into the void. 

5 / 5

Nicole Scherzinger - On The Rocks

Nicole Scherzinger hasn't ever reached the pinacles of chart success she might deserve purely based on vocal talent. However, it's not easy to find sympathy when the single releases are mediocre at best with the odd gem. So far, her only number one single is her best single, Don't Hold Your Breath. She's released some odds n ends since that failed to ignite the charts and her last single Your Love was a poor way to launch the countdown to her sophomore album.

New single On The Rocks is lacklustre, predictable balladry with a thumping but uninspired arrangement. She throws in some embarrassingly clichéd lyrics, 'You never miss a good thing till it's gone" rearing its repulsive head at the tail end of the chorus. Why this was chosen as the 2nd single from her upcoming album is beyond me. I just hope it's not a taste of what's to come.

1.5 / 5

Ariana Grande - My Everything (Album Review)

Still not rich enough to afford a full outfit.

Honestly, before behemoth single Problem filled airwaves the world over with its awesome catchiness I was pretty much completely unfamiliar with Ariana Grande, some may say ignorant to her work. I knew of her, sure, but I didn’t know she had a top 10 album in the UK nor did I know a top 10 single in America plus said album hitting number one there. Problem proved itself a game changer in her career and with a little help from Iggy Azalea Ariana grabbed herself a more adult consumer base and thus immense success. Now she’s released her new album My Everything and what I’m here to tell you is if it’s good. Is it good like opening a new tub of Ben & Jerry’s Strawberry Shortcake Frozen Yoghurt? Or is bad like opening a new tub of Ben & Jerry’s Strawberry Shortcake Frozen Yoghurt only to find it contains cotton wool. Not a satisfying experience I bet!

There’s an Intro to kick things off and it’s a very demure affair, with lovely harmonies and pretty vocal touches. I’m normally not a fan of an intro track, they usually get deleted from itunes in order to get to the ‘good stuff’, but in this case it’s not unpleasant but ultimately it’s unnecessary. Once the pianos trickle out of earshot your treated to the famous horn intro of Problem and the rap styling of Iggy Azalea. It’s an upbeat, at times incredibly fun, track and stands out like the proverbial sore thumb on My Everything. The only similarly paced moments come in the sounds of Hands On Me (feat. A$AP Ferg) and epic collaboration Bang Bang (bonus track) with Jessie J and Nicki Minaj. The former is a likeable if not slightly predictable R&B number where the latter is an epic club-soul banger with startling vocal turns from Ariana and Jessie, plus a solid rap verse from Nicki. I shouldn’t leave out album highlight Break Free, a song so great you’ll put it on your gym playlist 10 times. It’s one of those pop songs that only comes around every few years; a camp, electronic pop-spree with superb production from Gaga collaborator, Zedd.

Nicki Minaj - Anaconda

"I like big butts and I cannot lie..." is one of the most well known lyrics on earth. That's quite a sad thing really, but I digress. The idea that rap maniac Nicki Minaj would sample this line in a single at some stage in her career isn't surprising, what is surprising is that I didn't predict it right away. Its obviousness is startling and new single Anaconda is as unrevolutionary, unsatisfying and ridiculously shit as music can be. 

A step down from better quality Pills N Potions which harked back to the more promising moments on her debut album Pink Friday, this song is novelty rap-pop at its worst. The video might be captivating and enjoyable for all the wrong reasons, but the song is as pleasant as eating rotten fruit. In the chorus Sir Mix A Lot drops "My anaconda don't want none unless you got buns hun..." followed by the lady herself chatting in an airhead vocal "Oh my gosh - look at her butt" repeatedly with added hamster vocoder sounds. There's writing music to empower females and celebrate the female form, then there's believing your own hype and writing a song about your most famed asset, which in this case comes across as obnoxious drivel. 

1 / 5

Jessie Ware - Say You Love Me

Singer of gorgeous songs Jessie Ware dropped the first single from her upcoming album Tough Love in early August. Said song of the same name is reviewed here.  It was/is amazing as is most of what she sings. Now she's put second single Say You Love Me on the internet and it's a predictably beautiful affair.

It's a down tempo, much more acoustic sounding track than its predecessor. From the bare percussion in the opening to the wistful chorus where she coos 'I don't wanna fall in love/ If you don't wanna try/ But all that I've been thinking of is maybe that you might...' this is perhaps her most commercial friendly record to date. That's not a bad thing. It's stepped away from the 80s synth mastery of her back catalogue to a more anthemic, acoustic arrangement and her vocals sound more authentic and powerful than ever. If the album Tough Love continues the quality of its first two singles then it's something to get very excited about.

4.5/5

Neon Jungle - Welcome to the Jungle

Neon Jungle consists of Shereen, Amira, Jess and Asami and their debut album Welcome to the Jungle dropped at the end of July. That's who Neon Jungle are and what this review is likely to be about. Nutshell complete. The big questions are, is their music good? Can they sing? Will they continue their success?

Opener and second single Braveheart is known as their biggest hit to date. It's a club ready electro synth rumbler, with a euphoric pre-chorus. The dancefloor breakdown is pretty infectious and it's quite refreshing to have a girl band releasing music with this kind of roughness to it. Continuing the dancefloor vibe is Welcome to the Jungle, a dark dance track with an intimidating pre chorus build up. It's not as a standout as its predecessor and at times it can be quite coarse but it's certainly memorable. Debut single Trouble makes an expected appearance and in the context of the album doesn't sound as ridiculous or annoying as it did on its own. It's a very contrived piece of 'edgy' pop and the attitude filled shouty chorus coupled with vocoder grates. 

The tone changes completely with Louder, the first instance of balladry on Welcome to the Jungle. It's a complete surprise and really does shit in my cereal (I said they couldn't sing, they can, bollocks). It's a thumping (almost) power ballad with a strong, memorable chorus and as I said, good singing. Waiting Game is another ballad, stripped back to a piano and vocal harmony arrangement. It's authentic and haunting to say the least and the strong run of ballads continues with Fool Me. 

Welcome to the Jungle isn't quite a melting pot of genres, however it does dabble. The Rihanna imitations on Bad Man are distinct, but the track doesn't stand out even with all its bravado. It's certainly nowhere near the brilliance of the Ruby Goe track of the same name. They also dip into slow jam R'n'B with Can't Stop the Love which doesn't hit the mark, at all. 

Sleepless In London is the album highlight. It's pure pop, with a thumping chorus and the most easily memorised lyrics on the album. In this case, simplicity is perfection. Similarly, Future X Girl goes down the pop route and it suits the girls perfectly. They inject a Princess Superstar inspired rap too, which actually works very well indeed. 

Welcome to the Jungle is a revelation, albeit an imperfect one. They can sing, pretty well. Their music is at times, amazing and at others not so. I predict moderate success for them in the future. Moderate is better than none! With tracks like Sleepless In London, Future X Girl and Braveheart under their belts they've (hopefully) not got too much to worry about.

2.5/5

Cher Lloyd - Sorry I'm Late

Cher Lloyd hasn't had an easy time in the popularity stakes since her stint on the UK Xfactor in 2010, in which she placed fourth. Her problem wasn't a lack of vocal talent (her abilities make her mentor Cheryl Cole sound like Paris Hilton), it was the rumor mill that spins out of control in the mid to latter stages of the TV competition. She was a brat, a bitch, this and that; she was a little diva with ideas above her station. Whether any of that is true is really neither here nor there, what matters is the music... right? So with the moderate success of her debut Sticks and Stones which saw some recognition in the US charts and a 2014 duet with Demi Lovato under her belt it seemed sensible time for album number two, Sorry I'm Late. Aptly named following the numerous delays that seemed to curse the album from its conception. Was it worth the wait?

Sorry I'm Late is a shameless pop record. Opener Just Be Mine and lead single I Wish (feat T.I.) state this clearly and are very likeable pop numbers. The former has an 'ahahahaaa' hook that quickly burns itself into your mind and the latter has a strong chorus and current arrangement, with Lloyd wishing she was taller and richer to get the man she wants. Bind Your Love is an album highlight, a really solid uptempo love song with a stadium worthy chorus, "When you call me/ I will always find you/ When you need me/ I'll come for you..." followed by a surprise electro-pop breakdown.

She hasn't ditched the wince worthy pop numbers that came on her debut though. Dirty Love and M.F.P.O.T.Y ooze the insolence the media would have you expect from Lloyd, dripping in playground chants and irritating lyrical links. Killin' It similarly reeks of adolescence, although not as pungently. 

There are moments where Lloyd's vocals show the development associated with experience and maturity. Sirens, an epic anthem penned by Saturdays hitmaker Ina Wroldsen, starts with a steady drum beat, climbing to the chorus which explodes into an array of throbbing dance synths. Similarly brilliant is Human. Gorgeous vocals dripping with sincerity sit atop an enormous arrangement of echoing drum beats. 

Sorry I'm Late isn't without its misfires. However, it's sporting enough pop gems to make it worth the wait and worth a listen and where it's really good, it's really bloody good.

3/5

Jessie J, Ariana Grande & Nicki Minaj - Bang Bang

"She got a body like an hourglass but I can give it to you all the time..." Jessie J coos bellows in the opening line of Bang Bang, a pop collaboration between 2 hugely successful divas and a fresh from the pop womb teeny bopper. It's infuriatingly catchy and whether you like it will remain a mystery even by listen number 10. What's clear is that Jessie and Ariana can sing and Nicki, well she does her own thing in her usual oddball high pitched rap stylings. The track itself is packed with sass, high notes and Jessie J signature warbling and overall it's a standout pop song, which at times is so DIVA it's abrasive, with a thumping beat and epic clash of percussion, synths and horns.

3.5 / 5

Sigma - Changing (feat. Paloma Faith) Review

It's summer and thus it's the season of obligatory dance smashes. Sigma seemed to pop out of nowhere with their debut single Nobody To Love which was and still is, amazing. It set the tone for the sunny months perfectly with its epic arrangement of piano keys and d&b synths, plus the strong vocals by Daniel Pearce. Now they're back with second single and potential number one number two, Changing featuring Paloma Faith. Her vocals suit the dance production perfectly, overflowing with a 90s dance, soul sound. It's refreshing to hear her on a track like this and coupled with Sigma's production, identifiable after only one single, it makes for one hell of a summer anthem with an huge chorus.

5/5

Sia - 1000 Forms of Fear Review

There are few songwriters as in vogue as Sia Furler. She began her solo career 14 years ago and achieved moderate success with her first five studio albums. Then with the sneaky shenanigans of one David Guetta her voice was flung into the spotlight on mammoth dance hit Titanium and then again with Flo Rida on Wild Ones. With the pressures of fame her personal battle with alcohol, drugs, depression and her unfortunate diagnosis of Graves disease she now wants to remain out of the spotlight, at least as a person. Her music however, could thwart this as she releases sixth studio album, 1000 Forms Of Fear, an album that is set to be her biggest seller so far and increase the attention bestowed on her. 

The album opens with behemoth track Chandelier which serves as the album's lead single and it's more immense, euphoric and heady than any of her past releases. Dealing with the 'party girl' approach to alcoholism ("Party girls don't get hurt/ can't feel anything/ when will I learn/ I push it down I push it down..."), a reflection of Sia's own battle with the addiction, the song is a thumping, whirlwind power ballad with elements of eletronica and hip hop layered under a soaring vocal that cracks at all the right moments. It's a contender for song of the year and as it stands it's way out in the lead. The grandeur doesn't stop there. Big Girls Cry is another album highlight/massive ballad with a brilliant chorus and Eye Of The Needle is wrought with emotion. The vocal breaks give her emotion authenticity and it's her pathos coated vocals that send the likes of Fire Meet Gasoline into the stratosphere, a song with a killer melody and an epic chorus that only she could hold the reigns to.