Rated Last Girl On Earth.

Black leotard, back crunching heels and a hair cut that would intimidate any heterosexual male, Rihanna has landed. It’s been a while since the Barbadian beauty toured, but she’s certainly making up for lost time with her 2010, Last Girl On Earth extravaganza. In support of her brilliant album Rated R, the queen of vampy ensembles brought to Glasgow’s SECC a post-apocalyptic vision of the contemporary pop-concert. Military, metal, gas masks, weird stilt wearing monster people, two giant metal guns and a pink tank; every prop oozed Rihanna’s pop identity. In a surprisingly brilliant performance, Rihanna captivated everyone in the audience, especially me, who was slightly doubtful of her live quality. What a fool I was.

Following a strong support show from Pixie Lott, the arena went black (30 minutes later of course) and everyone went insane. A screen illustrating the idea behind the tour is filled with distorted images, Rihanna is dreaming but her dreams are real - thus we are living her dream. A simple concept, which is revealed to be infused with military chic, so this girl obviously loves soldiers, guns and tight outfits. Rated R’s intro track ‘Mad House’ kicks in and shortly ‘Russian Roulette’s’ riff screams into the arena. The final gun shot of the track is accompanied by a visual of a bleeding  human heart. The biggest surprise is Rihanna voice, which is pretty damn good. I expected some mild screeches and breaks, but she kept it together and delivered a massive punch. Descending from her podium and simultaneously changing costume, the face slapping “yeah yeah yeah” of ‘Hard’ pounds its way through my ear drums. Engaging the crowd for the first time, mainly getting us to sing with her, turns out to be one of the best qualities of Rihanna as a live performer. For the whole show she engaged the audience and made sure we were doing some work too, whilst intermittently reassuring us of where we were, “Glasgow! Make some fucking noise!”.

Hit after hit, she battered out consistently strong vocal performances and cut some impressive shapes, mainly with her ass, which took on a life of its own during the intoxicatingly delightful ‘Rude Boy’. Encased in a black latex leotard and thigh high latex wedge boots, Rihanna belted out ‘Rockstar 101’, ‘Hate That I Love You’ and ‘Rehab’. Of course there was a ballad segue, which included an amazing performance of ‘Unfaithful’ and the new single ‘Te Amo’. The latter was accompanied by two aerialists who ‘stole the show’ (excuse the cliche) by doing things in the air I didn’t think a human body was capable of. 

Rihanna proved that her classic songs still have relevance and still sound good alongside her new, improved, edgier sounds. Barely dressed, in a white strappy (I mean just straps) number, she belted out ‘Please Don’t Stop the Music’, a welcome addition to the line-up, being about the most poppy of the whole show. ‘SOS’ sounded great with a rock remix laced through the original track, as did her final ballad ‘Take A Bow’. Another quick change of outfit and we were treated to a medley of ‘Wait Your Turn’, ‘Live Your Life’ and ‘Run This Town’, right before one more outfit alteration and ‘Umbrella’. 

After 22 songs Rihanna showed no signs of failure. Her vocals remained brilliant throughout the entire show and blew all ideas of a ‘not so great’ singer out of my mind. It’s clear that Rihanna won’t be going anywhere. She seems head strong, intelligent, and most importantly she is a superstar-class live performer. She may have some great song writers behind her and some equally as talented producers, but the quality of her new music which had a substantial input from the lady herself proves her worth as a musical artist. Plus, she can still look like the coolest, sexiest woman on the planet after sweating for 2 hours, that means something, right? The show didn’t feel like a GaGa imitation (who her final outfit will no doubt draw comparisons to - bored), nor did it feel like it was themed. It avoided the ‘Britney Spears miming in a sort-of circus’ pointlessness and presented eager fans with a 100% live, mind blowing, Rihanna identity parade. 

May 19th 2010 - LOVE.

Rated Rihanna.

So I went to see Rihanna last night (my new obsession) in Glasgow and it was immense. I've seen Beyonce twice and her stage presence was almost on par. I was pleasantly surprised and exhilarated. I'm going to post a proper review of the show in a couple of hours, but here's a little teaser of what I had (about 20ft) away from me last night.

Riri - Glasgow 19/05/2010 (Rated i.)

Rated Xtina 2010.

Actually cannot wait for the new Christina Aguilera album... I think it's going to be colossal. I'm obviously going to review it on here as soon as I have it. I'm currently listening to Back to Basics to get in the mood. 

Rated Rewind: Britney Spears - Circus

After the most talked about hiatus from music ever, Britney Spears is back doing what she does best, catchy dance-pop with a robotic lining and little soul. A lack of heart is not as apparent here as it was on 2007’s Blackout, where the record was affronted by a “the lights are on but no one’s home” Britney. This aside, Blackout was a triumphant pop album, spawning the immense dance-floor stompers, ‘Gimme More’ and ‘Break the Ice’. Now, a year on and far sooner than expected, Circus is complete and there’s no anti-climax in sight.

Opening track ‘Womanizer’ is a dance floor orgasm, with its infectious chorus and thudding staccato beats. The Outsyders production is one of the most memorable songs of Britney’s career. The title track ‘Circus’ jumps up and slaps you in the face, and features not only the best pre-chorus build up on the album, but its own dance break too. The bouncing Max Martin production of ‘If U Seek Amy’ is another annoyingly catchy notch on Britney’s musical bed post, with Britney teasing, “Love me, hate me, say what you want about me, but all of the girls and all of the boys are begging to If U Seek Amy” (say the title really fast and you’ll get it). Of course, being Britney, there’s a ballad in the mix, the quite nice ‘Out From Under’. It’s the most relevant song here but it’s disappointingly lacking in the vocal arena, with not one proper key change. The Danja produced ‘Kill the Lights’ and ‘Toxic’ responsible Bloodshy & Avant’s ‘Unusual You’, are album highlights. “Is that money in your pocket, are you happy to see me?” she demands aggressively on ‘Kill the Lights’, yet again taunting the paparazzi, only this time she is engaged and not synthesized into non-existence. The ballad ‘Unusual You’ features significant electronic vocal effects, but these enhance the beauty of the track. The hauntingly ethereal nature of the song makes it one of the best pop-dance ballads I’ve heard.

Although the album is one of Britney’s best (behind Blackout) it does have a few problems, the main one being twee ballad ‘My baby’. The Let's Go to War production ‘Mmm Papi’ makes little sense and although it's infectious, Britney's comedy vocals are more embarrassing than funny. The hangover song ‘Blur’ is reminiscent of 2003s Moby produced ‘Early Morning’, but it’s uninspired and a bit bland. However, these are minor flaws on an entertaining pop record.

Circus is a great comeback, displaying some of the best pop moments you’ll experience on an album this year and some of the best Britney moments of all time. Who cares if Britney’s not the same Britney any more, she’s still churning out some superb dance tunes and with songs like ‘Womanizer’, ‘Unusual You’ and ‘Kill the Lights’ at her disposal, she’s certainly not likely to falter any time soon.

6.5/10

Rated Suga - Sweet 7 (Sugababes)

After a turbulent year, the authentic British girl group is back, only they're not so authentic. We've seen the Sugababes with three original members, then two, then one, now none. We've witnessed pop-marvels such as 'Freak Like Me' and 'Push the Button', had the pleasure of listening to the delightfully chilled out 'Soul Sound' and the memorable debut 'Overload', and danced, hands in the air to 'About You Now'. All these songs are iconic Sugababes songs, and here in lies the new problem, they are now sexed up and branded. 

Their latest effort, Sweet 7, is their seventh album and is by no means bad, especially when contrasted with the boresville Catfights and Spotlights. It's a collection of catchy dance tracks that will do well on the club scene, the charts, but maybe not so well with the die hard fan base.

Opening with 'Get Sexy', a grower and total dance floor filler, after two or three listens, the new babes show us their seductress personas. The following 'Wear My Kiss' and 'About a Girl' are equally as catchy and sexy, but feel a bit more Sugababes. The former has a hook which would be at home on previous album Three and the latter is definitely neo-babes, but has the edge that lined the group's earlier albums. "You don't know about a girl, I'll take over the world" sing the new line up, on one of the album's finest moments, before moving onto yet another hook filled number with 'Wait for You', which displays the babes’ new love for voice synthesizers. 'Thank You For the Heart Break' is catchy but lacklustre and duplicates the unnecessary voice manipulation of 'Wait For You'. The only collaboration on the album is with Sean Kingston on 'Miss Everything'. Typically Kingston, the track sounds oddly like his song 'Fire Burning' and the following club tune 'She's A Mess' is disappointing, unimaginative and extremely annoying.

The babes’ vocals don't really get exploited to their full potential on the faster tracks (bar 'About a Girl'), but when you get to the ballads there is some classic babe vocal prowess apparent. 'Crash & Burn' shows off new member Jade Ewen's abilities and posits her as the new vocal leader, and also shows that the new line up doesn't sound too shabby together. ‘No More You’ sounds a bit like a Rihanna track and stands out as the catchiest of the slower songs, with Amelle’s husky voice welcomingly filling the second verse. Seeing the title ‘Sweet and Amazing’ made me recoil in horror, but surprisingly the track is both sweet and amazingly not bad, with its bouncy beat, prominent Heidi vocals, and happy message of learn your lessons and “make it the best you can”. The end track, ‘Little Miss Perfect”, is quite an anti climactic way of ending such an upbeat dance album, but the song is strong, and contains the best vocal performances on the album, particularly from Amelle, who sounds immense on the first chorus.

Dedicated fans of the classic lineup(s) may be disappointed with this alien sounding Sugababes. They have, unfortunately, jumped on the electro-dance-pop bandwagon and lost the uniqueness they once possessed. The album is strong enough to gain a top five position in the charts, and shows off the vocal abilities of the new arrangement. There are no epic moments like ‘Freak Like Me’ or ‘Hole in the Head’, but Sweet 7 is a pleasant collection of pop music and some ‘almost there’ songs. Whether the new lineup will maintain the success enjoyed by the old formation(s) remains to be seen, but listening to the songs makes me feel like there’s something or someone missing, from this seventh album. I just don’t know who the Sugababes are anymore.

5.5/10

"Rated R" - Rihanna.

It's been a tough year for Rihanna. It wouldn't be wrong to say a lot of people probably didn't see the same Rihanna coming back to the front line. They were right.

"I pitch with a grenade" exclaims Rihanna in her sexiest Bajan accent, the hardest it has ever sounded on any of her records. The first proper track (there's an interlude style intro called ‘Mad House’) 'Wait Your Turn' is perhaps the darkest sounding, most aggressive you've heard the ‘Umbrella’ superstar sound. The song is punchy and demands that you, well, “wait your turn”. Rihanna introduces her new persona by exclaiming, “I’m such a fucking lady”. 'Hard (featuring Jeezy)' is some more 'in your face' Rihanna. The song is one of the catchiest on the album and you won’t be able to stop yourself rapping along when a battle ready Rihanna bites, "Where them girls talking trash?...Where them blog girls at?...Where your lighters at?". The tough talking, Neo-Rihanna sings without a care on 'Rockstar 101' and the fantastically titillating 'Rude Boy', the latter being one of the catchiest songs you will hear this year. It harks back to reggae and the dance hall, and latches onto your consciousness like a welcome disease. ‘G4L’ has Rihanna gathering up her “bitches” and she has even roped in Will.I.Am for the bouncy electro-romance of "Photographs".

This album is dark, probably the darkest of any pop star in recent memory. Lady Gaga showed us an edge not seen in years, but Rihanna is really pushing some prickly subject material here, from abuse to suicide. 'Fire Bomb' has Rihanna using a car crash metaphor for her explosive relationship with Brown. "When your front windows break, and I come crashing through..." is a poignant line from a woman who had her face smashed into the dashboard of her lover's car just a year ago. This dark tone allows for Rihanna to flash some newly honed vocal abilities. 'Russian Roulette' shows us a powerful performance from the once timid, lack luster 'Pon De Replay' singer. Her voice echoes all the emotions required to make this a bold first single, and check out the high note in the final chorus (who thought she had it in her?). There are no Leona Lewis style ballads on Rated R. The stand-out Spanish sound of ‘Te Amo’ echoes Rihanna’s rejection of another woman and a language barrier stopping her admirer’s ‘I Love You’ being understood.

There isn't one bad song on this album; it is consistent in quality and has a large enough variety of dark ballads, upbeat dance numbers and rocky, brooding lyrical marvels to please everyone (just not some of her teen fans). Rated R is obvious in its concept, the growth of a pop star who is now a real woman and not the ‘good girl, gone bad’ we previously knew. However obvious this is, it's a brilliant collection of songs, showing the darker side of pop. With songs like the dance floor filling 'Rude Boy', the haunting 'Russian Roulette' and the unique 'Cold Case Love', Rihanna's managed to pull the trigger on the revolver of success. 

Rated R - 9/10

Rated Telephone: "I told you she didn't have a dick."

Gaga & B.

After the rather uninspiring, lack lustre Beyonce video for Video Phone, I was highly expectant of Lady Gaga's next effort for Telephone. The above link will take you on a nine minute onslaught of vibrancy, sex and Lady Gaga sticking both middle fingers up to the media by referencing her supposed possession of a penis. The song, Telephone (featuring Beyonce) has been around for quite some time now, and it is epic scale electro-pop. The beat is ridiculously infectious and, well, Beyonce's singing on it! What more could you ask for? A fantastic mind-blowing journey with the two superstars in, probably, the most immense music video in years.

It's a continuation of the Paparazzi  video, in which we saw Gaga jailed for murdering her boyfriend. Only now, she's naked and in jail with lots of sexy (and not so sexy) women. A pair of sunglasses covered in burning cigarettes and The Pussy Wagon from Kill Bill later, you're finished what is an exhaustingly exciting promotional clip film. From poisoning the customers of a diner and Beyonce's 'boyfriend' to Gaga's pixelated naked crotch, the video pushes acceptability and taboo further than any other major pop star has since the Madonna glory days and, even in that context, Gaga blows the competition out of the kitsch sea.

The video is sassy and relevant, and is a marvellous moment in music video history. It might not go anywhere exactly, but it pushes the two, already massive artists, into a whole new spotlight. Lady Gaga is known for controversy and being a bit weird, but Beyonce has been relatively subdued in her career. Here we see that Queen B. can indeed "mother f@$*#R" with the best of them. Sexy, funny and massively entertaining, the video is going to see Telephone stop dwindling in the lower reaches of the charts and storm right through Justin Bieber and Ke$ha like a pop-art torpedo. I can't wait for the big bang.

Rated i.

Rated RudeBoy

The new Rihanna video has dropped like a Caribbean bomb. It isn't my favourite song from Rated R, but it is pretty damn hot. It's a playful, booty shaking number, that's got a sexy video to match. Check it out...



PS: I think I might actually be in love with RiRi. <3

Rated RiRi.

How hot does this bitch look? God. I am almost in love with RiRi these days. Rated R is a 12 song album of epic quality (i've stacked up over 400 plays of the tracks from the album in about 2 months). Check out Hard, Rockstar 101, Last Song, Te Amo and Wait Your Turn.

As for her fashion sense... sometimes it's a bit, indescribable, but I really think she's found her own place now. That outfit is kind of Lady GaGa esque, but let's face it, anyone who wears anything remotely unusual this year is going to be compared to Gagz. Shame, because I think RiRi's style is quite adaptable for woman in the real world... whereas, GaGa? I mean, the woman's a genius, but unless you want to make an outfit from a bin liner and some shit from Pound Land, you're probably better to just go with RiRi.

Rated Diva.

I heard on the grape-vine that my beloved B. is taking a 6 month hiatus from the front-line of musical mastery. I am obviously GUTTED. A whole 6 months with NO new Beyonce music/performances/cameos? Shit.

I've seen her live, twice, yes twice, and she is a diva of epic quality. Come back soon B!

"I hear you be the block but I'm the lights that keep the streets on..."

Rated Ditto.

I am a massive Gossip fan, their last album was perfect. However, I love the Ditto even more than her uber-cool band. She oozes charisma and likeability, and after she presented the Friday Night Project a few years back, I fell truly in love. It's so refreshing to come across a woman of fame, who isn't carrying their arse around in their skull.